How much more could you ask for? It’s been three years and some change and you’re on your way. But only assholes want to fall in love. We spent four in that shithole and nostalgia remains. How about me? I feel nothing at all. I feel nothing at all. And all that’s real is really far off. I don’t want to want her. I just want the chance to see. Because all of my dreams mean shit to others. I want to go back and fix what’s wrong with me. Life has a way of fucking you up just by being there. I want to start it over again. Time stands still while you think of the ones that have forgotten you. I want to start it over. I want to start it over. Because all of my dreams mean shit to others. I want to start it over again. So, tell me how you are…
There’s a waiting list to the bottom, under you.
Ex-husbands, romantics and perverts and masochists.
I’m gonna be there too.
Where’s the stop where the train’s gonna hit me?
True, I live for when you bullshit me.
Tell me you want me, tell me you need me.
Undress me with your eyes.
Lie to me.
Here we are, in love again.
I’m here as the entertaining fool.
Must have broke every bone in your wrist, how romantic of you.
We both got this sickness; goddamn it’s addictive.
It’s got me bleeding for two.
Where’s the truck full of bricks here to crush me?
Don’t you fuck with this halo above me.
Tell me you caught me, tell me I’m sorry.
Kick me back in your life.
So I’m looking at this bottle, and this bottle, it speaks to me. It says get off the fucking train, so I jumped down.
These metaphors are for assholes, and I’m not different. I’ll get to what I mean, but slowly.
Roses and poetry; that’s all you want to be?
It’s not alive, and not dead. It’s looking for a reason to be.
Not alive, and not dead. You give me goals impossible and I get further from my own.
If these were lies then I wouldn’t be leaving. You had to need me.
I tried this once before. It’s just as insulting. What for?
It’s not alive, and not dead. Looking for a reason to be?
Can we find a balance, a medium?
My anger was a heavy weight you bore. Now I’m balancing meteors. I want to see you.
But not alive, and not dead. Show me what you used to be.
I was looking at this bottle and the words made sense to me, because it was all a fucking dream.
I’m not alive, and Iím not dead. I just see my goals are impossible and I get further from them all.
These mocking words. We buried both.
What a world without you holds, I had to know.
Don’t forget to waste your blood and mix it with your tears now.
Don’t forget to waste your love inside me to crawl out.
I know it’s here inside.
Why am I so afraid?
God loves a liar.
It’s turning on me now.
Accidents are what follows.
If only you could see her now.
Don’t mistake someone’s daughter’s crying for fuck sounds.
For rainy days you’re mine.
Why are we so afraid?
God loves a liar.
Today is the day that I laugh for the fun ot it.
Today is the day that it tears me apart.
Today is the day I defile your saccharine way,
or at least take aim.
Today is the day that I drown for the fun of it.
Today is the day that I laugh in the dark.
Today is the day that I see myself for what I really am…
Dead to the world.
We spend the moments of our lives waiting for one to arise. Remember where the time goes? We hold on to these moments until the moment that we die. I’m saving this one for you. We watch our lives with reddened eyes when we know we need to cry. Be careful when this heart dies. Watch the waterworks fly. I’m saving this one for you. And I could not before this, and I cannot ignore that. I’m dying here. Our instincts deem it beyond our control. We’ve gotta fuck the ones we think we love. Just because it’s human nature doesn’t mean it’s not fucked up. As I wander around this place, I wonder how you are. Please tell me have you changed? I want to know it all. How were your halcyon days? I wish I was involved. Jane, whatever you offer me, I’ll fit the role. It’s hard to live like an animal when you’ve bought the farm inside. It’s alright because we’re all slowly dying. We’ve got time.
Let’s go on a rocket ship. We’ll decimate the empty promise makers, including me. It’s old hat for a new life, because they already forgot me. It’s new shoes for a short hike that I’ve been walking for days. I’m living life like I just died and everybody knows it now. I’m taking myself for a ride and everybody knows it now. I broke my legs and tried to fly and everybody knows it now. I’ll tell the truth, why should I lie when everybody knows it now.
Tearing up the walls, scratching out her name.
Staring up the walls, dulling up the razor blade.
I’m washing it down.
Watch me call the port on.
I’m washing it down. Watch me fall.
It’s the shock of the sound of the ants.
to carry me off towards home.
I’m better now, not behind the eyes.
This confession is obvious to me. Happy dreams, sick fuck. You’re supposed to be here with the lepers. The ones with vitriol. Right now I feel like one of those. Because the ones with emotions get sick in the end, like you. Stop if it hurts to fight. We lie for love because we believe that we need some. They lie to fuck and you know, in life it hurts to try to do right. Where’s the lesson? Now, let’s be honest here. Happy dreams are fucking synonymous with fear. Like the lepers, who wants to break the news that right now they’re losing more than they have to? The one’s with emotions get sick in the end, like you. Just stop if it hurts to fight. They want to break you down. You’re gonna let them. Dying in a hole? It happens to the worst of us. It will happen to you.
To lose my words in this smoke filled room,
If there’s a way out, I’m gonna find out.
As it burns my black eyes red.
My only regret: this memory.
So we can convince them that this is all we are.
Watch the martyrs when they face the ghosts.
Shake hands as the waste surrounds you.
Killing it will only make it stronger.
Killing it will only help it box you in.
Killing it will only make you lose your way.
Shot down the last witness.
Committed to finish, this is the beginning I can’t miss.
The fucking looks those people gave us.
No fucking bullets can erase this.
The voices are silent echoes. This is the hardest part.
The water’s up to our ankles with no sign of letting up.
But I’m still climbing out.
I always meant to tell you that I never meant you harm in this life.
I’ll have to wait until the next to make things right.
I’m tapping s.o.s. codes on the wall, but this is as far as it goes.
I’m writing my regret notes from the heart.
I never loved you, you know.
Because I’m riding a lie and I’m writing a lie.
I took a chance and we’re paying for the lie.
I’m writing « I know the fault’s all mine », but please stay strong.
If they remember me, will they forget the meaning of why I came so far to drown?
I’m forgetting it myself.
I find I’m staring at these rusty bolts this hatch was attached to.
My eyes are glued. This coffin moves, angled down.
The skeletal walls are brittle. The salt corrodes it off.
Your spent oxygen fogs the metal. You’re taking greedy breaths from us but I forgive you all.